Question: How does a person change from a pattern of defense confusion over a period of time to a pattern of logic and positive results.

    In order for a real change to happen in a human's life -- but let's make a digression here. To talk about real change, let's say what change isn't. Because we probably won't get to a definition of what a real change is, probably.
    What most people do that they call change is they change their behavior, isn't that right? They work at saying, ``Some particular part of my behavior I don't like.'' So with great effort they work at changing that part of their behavior. Some times years of effort, isn't that right?
    And there are institutions that'll help you in this effort, right? We have psychology; we have religion; we have 12 step programs; we have support groups. We have all these different things that'll help you change your behavior.
    And that's what people call change. Its the only thing that we really know how to do. And usually what happens is after they're through with years of effort at changing, they took a look at themselves and they say, ``I'm glad I don't do that anymore, but I'm still exactly like I was when I started. I don't do that particular set of behaviors that I really didn't like; but I'm not any different.'' ``Given half a chance I'd go right back to doing that stuff again.'' Or: ``My big result? I have a new list of behaviors I am working on changing.''
    After all these years of seeing that this set of behavior is not good for me and some other behavior is good for me I look at my life and say, ``But I don't feel like my life is any better.''
    You ever have that feeling? After working really hard at changing something?


    So if we're going to talk about a real change, it has to be something more than just changing behavior. That doesn't really cut it. But that's basically what everybody tries to do.
    And that means that we have to become disenchanted with the game. And that's what the whole human joke is about: is about creating, but without change -- that's the joke -- without a change in human nature.
    Because that's supposed to be fundamentally unchangeable, right? Human nature is just the way it is -- there's nothing you can do about it.
    So without changing human nature, we're going to work really hard at changing behavior in the world so that something will happen and I can enjoy my life. Isn't that really what everybody is doing all the time? Trying to find some way to say, ``I enjoy my life, all the time.''
    And it doesn't work. It just doesn't work.
    So that means we have to look at the very game itself and say, ``this game doesn't work, I'm not playing anymore.''
    That's why so few people actually, really, change. They keep on playing the game of changing behavior and changing my environment until I finally find the set of behaviors and an environment that makes me happy. Okay? That game doesn't work.
    So, that's why I said that the first part of the answer to this question is -- you have to see the game that you are playing and decide it doesn't work. And that's pretty rare. Most people never do that.
    That game is all based on what we call the purpose of living. And that purpose of living says that my entire reason for existence, everything that I do, is to gain pleasure and avoid pain.
    So I've elevated sensation to the highest thing there is in my life -- its the only thing I really care about -- is whether or not I keep in the body, at all times, sensations of pleasure and never get sensations of pain.
    But I can't do that. That's why everybody's so frustrated. That's why nobody ever really says, ``I'm happy, and I enjoy my life.''
    Because there's always some kind of pain in my life -- always -- and there's no way to get around that. You can minimize it, but you can't get rid of it. So you have to say, ``This is what I've been doing all my life and it will never work.''
    Somebody who comes to that realization ends up sitting in a room like this one. Where they've found someone who knows something outside of that game. Okay?
    And the first thing that they're told is, ``There's nothing you can do about that, because that purpose is now what's called unconscious.'' In other words, you don't walk around consciously saying, ``What I'm doing right now is trying to gain pleasure.'' You have some other explanation for what you're doing.
    It takes people a lot of effort to see that that is the purpose they live by. That every single thing they do is an attempt to gain pleasure or avoid pain. That's it. All the other words that we use for behavior are just lies.
    We call certain things noble and we're really proud of them. Like, lets say somebody makes a whole lot of money and they give it away to charity and they say, ``Oh, what a noble and philanthropic thing to do.''
    But if you really ask the person why they did it, the answer comes down to ``Because it made me feel good.''
    Well, somehow that's not so noble anymore, is it? I didn't do it because I cared about anybody else, because I wanted to assist other people. I did it because doing it made me feel good.
    Glad you did it, but I'm not very impressed. I wouldn't exactly call that noble. You might as well say that masturbating is noble. Because that's what it comes down to.
    So we have a tremendous number of habits that have been all been built to play this game that we don't even recognize as existing. So we have to go on this long, long trip where we take everything that we've made unconscious in ourselves and make it conscious again.
    That's tough. That's probably the hardest thing that a person does. They're used to living in this deep, deep trance -- and today we call it a hypnotic trance -- where unconscious, habitual urges run their life. And they're literally in a state of hypnosis all the time, where their mind is constantly saying, ``Do this and you'll get pleasure -- do that and you'll avoid pain.''
    And they're in such a deep trance they don't even see that going on. So the first thing that has to happen is you have to have a very specific set of ideas that tell you what to look for -- because you can never see your own unconsciousness by yourself while you're unconscious. So somebody who has already gotten out of that has to say, ``This is what you're unconscious of.''
    You'd never find out on your own -- how could you? You're unconscious of it. So given that somebody can say, ``This is what you're unconscious of'' and spend some time with you getting you a little bit out of that trance -- assisting you to the experience of being out of that trance for a few moments -- then you can start to see your own (so-called) unconscious mind.
    Once the unconscious mind becomes conscious, its not unconscious anymore. It sounds silly, but that's the way it is. Once you've seen it, its not unconscious any more.
    Now you have a choice. While it was unseen, you had no choice. Once it becomes seen -- you have a choice now, you can either do it or not do it, isn't that right?
    Then, there begins to be an effort of getting the person to find out what is fundamentally them and what is just what they've learned since they came here. People who get into that hypnotic trance after a while have no idea what they are any more.
    They've taken all the unconscious stuff so seriously that if you ask them, ``What is your particular -- your unique -- talent?'' (everybody has one) -- they just sort of look at you like ``Huh?''
    If I don't know that, then I don't know anything about me, do I? If I can't say what is unique to me -- what is different about me than anyone else on planet Earth -- then I don't even know myself.
    So, then we go through a bit of effort, and this you can't be guided on as much -- its easy to guide somebody on the unconscious stuff because everybody is the same there. Then you go through a bit of effort where you work at finding out what is uniquely you.
    Because I need to do something besides struggling the rest of my life to experience nothing but pleasure. It will never work. All it leads to is incredible frustration. And all those other things you said in your question, okay?
    When I'm trying to do the impossible, of course I'm confused. I feel very frustrated. Life seems to me to be a struggle. In other words, the saying, ``Life is hard and then you die.''
    Because I'm trying to do what cannot be done. So I need to make a purpose for my life that I can actually do.
    Then, life suddenly becomes fulfilling. I'm doing something that I can actually do. And I feel very good. My life has what everybody is looking for -- meaning, or at least purpose.
    But what I can do is unique. So nobody can tell you what that is. Its not like we can just give out one answer to that question, ``Okay, here's the purpose for everyone's life.''
    There is no purpose for everyone's life. There is your purpose for your life, and that's as unique as you are. If there were only one purpose then why would we all be unique? It wouldn't make any sense, would it?
    Everyone has something very unique that they can do and contribute while they're here. If I make that the purpose of my life, to contribute that, then I feel good. I've found that thing that is uniquely me and I'm doing it, so I have that sense of fulfillment that everyone is looking for.
    That's basically the change that everyone who knows about this talks about. Okay? Can I stop being just like everyone else -- searching for pleasure and avoiding pain -- and find out what is uniquely me and then do that for the rest of my life, okay?
    It doesn't mean I stop learning, because that's part of living on planet Earth. There's always something you don't know.
    It doesn't really change your life in a way that people would expect. You still go on doing the things you've always done in the sense that you still work for a living; you still have relationships; you still have kids.
    Its just that you're doing it all from this new, unique perspective. So its like the answer ``why?'' (meaning what is the motive or purpose) about everything changes. The answer for everyone about ``Why are you doing this -- what is it's motive or purpose?'' is: ``Because it makes me feel good''; or ``I'm trying to get away from feeling bad.''
    That's the only answer people ever have -- if they're honest. This change changes the why, the motivation, and it says, ``I'm doing this because I can. Its the one thing that only I can do: no one else on planet Earth can do this.'' Okay?
    That's real different, isn't it?
    That's the fastest I've ever answered that question. It doesn't tell you how really, does it? But it at least tells you the what.
    The how takes a long time to describe because it is something that no one ever thinks of -- that is unthinkable. But at least I hope that answers the question what.
    What is the thing that would make the how possible. See, the thing about how is, if I don't know what I'm trying to do then the how will never make sense, right?
    So I changed your question into a what question. The how is the thing that's being offered here, in a way: to introduce you to you. The whole point of this is to put out a whole bunch of things about a what from a new perspective that says, ``Here's a different perspective than most people living have'' -- and everybody else is saying, ``How can I get pleasure and how can I get pain.'' And this perspective says, ``I'm a unique human being and I don't care about pleasure and pain anymore.''
    Which means all of a sudden this one looks at everything differently than everyone else. Where everyone else sees good and bad, and right and wrong, and struggling to make the perfect world this one says, ``I don't care, because I already got all that; I'm doing exactly what I want to do all the time.''
    So, then what do I care about good and bad anymore? If this is what I want to do, then what do I care? If its not what I want to do, then I'm not going to do it and I don't care what anybody says.
    This is not to be taken as license to wreak havoc and escape the consequences of action. Its about being responsible for the motive for all actions.
    So its a whole different point of view. What we're trying to do is describe the what hoping that people will ask for the how. In other words, say, ``I want that!'' -- and ask for the how. Because the how is not something that I can write. I could go through and I could write it down. But its been written so many times -- and nobody gets it from books or words.
    It seems to be only communicable one on one. From someone who has done it to someone who wants to. If its not someone who wants to, it just sounds like a bunch of mumbly, jumbledy stuff, and they just laugh and walk away.
    Somebody who wants it, they hear something that they've wanted all their lives and they just get right to it. So if you really are interested in the how, I can talk to you about it kind of more privately, okay? And tell you what can be done that would make something possible.
    But I hope that at least tells you the what. Okay?
    Does that make sense?


    Does it answer the question enough?

    Well, it answers as far as something being unconscious and not being aware of it, but my question saying that a pattern of defense confusion over a period of time being changed to logic and positive results, um, I'm already aware of. I'm consciously aware of the defense confusion. So it wouldn't be something that's unconscious, its already conscious. And as far as the behavior behind that, I guess the actual reality of taking the How-what am I going to do, am I going to continue that behavior, am I going to try to change that, being conscious of that in the decisions that I'm making, I have to be opened minded enough to look for most positive things around me based on only experience from the past, but not to be confused with the defense confusion mechanism that's still alive...

    Well, how do I define what's positive?

    That's true. That's why I'm saying. By not being confused at the same time by the defense confusion pattern from before, that I'm consciously aware of.

    Well, there's two different things there. Defense and positive. Lets look at positive first, because its easier. How do I define what's positive?

    By, from what you had said, you would define positive as something that you are content with all the time in doing; finding that unique form of living that you are comfortable with.

    Okay, but normally I define positive as ``does this make me feel good or not,'' right?
    Isn't that right?


    If the only way for me to do that thing that is uniquely mine to do involves some pain, would I care?


    No. We all have some experience of that. There are some things where the outcome is so valuable to me that I'll endure a certain amount of pain to get it -- even though my purpose of living is to not have pain, right? I've decided that there is a future pleasure that would be so great that a little bit of pain now is okay.

    So you're building a tolerance.

    In a sense, yeah. Its not so much building a tolerance as it is that for the sake of a future pleasure, I'll take a little pain now.
    Unfortunately, a lot of times I don't get the future pleasure -- so I feel betrayed. Isn't that about right?
    But sometimes I do. A lot of times it happens that I endure the pain and I never get the future pleasure. But I'm just saying we have an analogy for that, that says, ``Under some conditions I'll put up with pain.'' If my purpose of living had nothing to do with pleasure or pain anymore -- it was to express this thing that's uniquely me -- I wouldn't even care that much about whether I was having pleasure or pain at this moment. It would be a minor thing to me. Okay? It wouldn't be the only thing. Does that make sense?


    So my idea of positive is now changed. Its not ``positive is pleasure -- or pain if it will lead to a greater pleasure.'' Positive is expressing myself -- this thing that is uniquely me.
    So I have an entirely different idea about what positive is than anyone else does, okay? That means I'm not confused anymore. All right? Confusion comes from ``I don't know if this behavior that I'm indulging in will actually take me to pleasure or not.'' I just don't know. Because sometimes I do it and it does, and sometimes I do it and it doesn't.

    So it becomes a risk taking option.

    Yeah. Its a constant risk, isn't it? So I'm confused, its like I don't know if this is going to work or not. I've done it before and it worked, and I've done it before and it didn't. So I'm confused. But I do know what expressing me means all the time. There's never any confusion about that. I can't tell you if its going to lead to pleasure or pain, but I do know what it would be to be uniquely me in this situation, okay?


    Whether I'm going to like it, or whether anybody else is going to like it, I'm not always sure in advance.

    Those are only results.

    Right -- although I don't see what's wrong with results. But for one with a new purpose -- that's positive, anyway. Because that one doesn't care about whether or not it leads to pleasure or pain. The concern is that it be my unique expression; the thing that only I can do, and that I know, okay?
    Defensiveness makes perfectly good sense when you're trying to live a life of constant pleasure, then defensiveness is absolutely necessary because you can't do that. What other position are you going to get in? If your purpose is to avoid pain and gain pleasure, then of course you're going to be defensive a lot of the time, because we know we can't do that.
    Somebody calls me stupid. It hurts. My purpose is to feel pleasure, I have to defend myself. Okay?
    Somebody calls me stupid and I know I'm not, it doesn't hurt at all. Because I know exactly what I am.
    On the other hand, somebody calls me stupid, I know I am. Why would it hurt? You're just telling truth. I mean some people could find out that they aren't the smartest person on planet Earth -- that's not what's uniquely them, is being intelligent, okay? They have some other thing that is unique. Who said that IQ is the only thing that's worth having?
    There are times when I'd take somebody who is really pleasant to be around over somebody who's a smart ass. Any day. Isn't that right? I don't know that intelligence is all that great a thing, that everybody should have it. I can think of a lot of things that are really wonderful. Besides intelligence.
    So maybe I do investigate into my own nature and say, ``I'm not the smartest person that ever showed up on the planet Earth -- but there's something else about me that's really wonderful.'' So somebody comes up to me and says, ``Hey, you're stupid.'' And I say, ``Yeah, I know, so?''
    But I'm really good at something else, so what do I have to defend?


    So we say I've made it conscious, but I don't think I have. In other words, we consider conscious to be anything that I've thought about. And that's not conscious. Okay? That's not what is meant by conscious.

    You mean thoughts running through a person's mind.

    That's right.

    While they are physically awake.

    That's right. Because I've seen people think about all sorts of things, and its still a part of their life that they don't know. In fact, people tell me, ``Why is it that I know this is stupid and I do it anyway?'' Well, then it ain't conscious -- you don't know it -- you're lying. Did you ever when you were a little kid see mirages?


    You never played on asphalt and saw water on the asphalt where it wasn't?

    Oh, okay.

    Oh, okay, okay, we just didn't have this word in common. All right.
    How many times did you run after that water?

    Nah, I just figured it was an optical illusion.

    Not the first time.


    Not the first time.

    Not the first time?

    No. The first time you saw it you thought it was water. When you were a little kid. Remember that?


    So what did you do? You chase after it and what happens?

    It went away.

    Yeah. So how many times do you do that? Two or three, right? And then you say, ``Wait a minute, I ain't doin' this no more.'' Isn't that right? That's called knowing.

    Knowing from a past experience?

    Yes. Somebody who says, ``I know that's a mirage,'' and then you see them running after it, they don't know it, do they? They're lying. Its not conscious, in other words, its a thought. The thought runs through their head, ``I bet that's a mirage,'' and they run after the water to find out. Its not conscious.

    So they're reacting on an unconscious thought.

    That's exactly right. But they think about it, don't they? They can think while they're walking towards that water, ``I bet its a mirage, I bet its a mirage, I bet its a mirage...'' But they don't believe it. They still think that one of these days, there's going to be water there, okay? That's what I mean by conscious.
    If it doesn't affect your behavior, its not conscious, its just thought. Okay? So most of the time, people say, ``I'm conscious of things'' and they're lying. What they mean is, ``I've thought about it.'' Its not the same thing, okay?
    Because if you asked them about those things they've thought about, that still are affecting their behavior, they'll say, ``But I'm not really sure.'' Isn't that about right? "I think this is true, but I'm not really sure.''


    Okay. Something I'm conscious of, there's no one in this world who can convince me I'm wrong -- without demonstrable proof. If the whole damn planet came to me and said, ``buddy, you're wrong!'' I'd tell 'em the story my mom said.
    She used to tell me this story when I was a kid, and I know it didn't mean what it meant, I know it didn't mean to her what it meant to me, okay? But the story went that there was a whole group of parents who were watching a bunch of high school kids in a band marching down the street, okay? And all the parents are really proud watching their little kids march in this band and play their music, okay? And at a certain point, there comes up this kind of buzz from the crowd, and if you pay attention what you're hearing over and over again, is, ``Look! John's out of step.''
    And all of sudden, you hear over the sound of the crowd buzzing and the band playing, this woman saying, ``Look! Everyone's out of step but my son, John!''
    What if she's right? What if John's the only one who's consciously marching and he's the only one in step and all the rest are just doing what everybody else is doing, following each other? See? If its conscious, it don't matter how many people come and tell you you're wrong, you ain't chasing after that mirage anymore, okay?


    So that's the part, that's really the part that in the beginning that's the how, is discovering how to make something conscious. Not just a thought. But something that I know with all of my being.
    Okay? Its not just an idea to me anymore, its something I know with all of my being. And what does that is experience, okay?

    Would that be experience of knowing how you physically, mentally and emotionally feel?

    Yep. To the point...

    That would tell you that, consciously.

    Yep. Just like chasing after the mirage, okay? You did it two or three times and then experience said, ``Don't even bother.'' Okay? You get to the point where you can see the difference between that shimmer that happens from heat and real water on the ground. And you don't even try anymore when it's a shimmer of heat.
    Its called experience. It changes you. When you're unconscious and all you do is think, the joke is that you're actually not even experiencing your own life. So it doesn't change you. The trick is to learn how to experience my life so fully that I'm actually changed by it. Okay?
    I'm experiencing it from the very depths of my being. Its not just running through my head. And that's what happens with most people, their life runs through their head.
    It doesn't ever get to them. The real part is way beyond thought. Okay? Thinking is something the body does, not me.
    Thinking is something the body does, not me. I mean that's a mechanical process in the body, it has very little do with me other than I have the ability to tell the body to think about a particular thing when I see that would be useful. The rest of the time, I don't pay much attention to what its thinking, who cares?
    It thinks all the time, I don't even notice most of the time, okay? That's not where I experience things, in my thinking.
    Does that kinda' help you to see the difference between what we call conscious and what everybody else calls conscious?


    And there are some very specific exercises that can be given to people to help them develop the ability to be conscious, okay? And it begins with working very hard to see what has been unconscious to me before. Just the effort of seeing that actually develops my ability to be conscious. And then things start affecting me in a whole new way. So what might take me years to learn the old way of thinking about it and just trying to practice new behavior until it finally becomes a habit, sometimes I can do in a matter of minutes, okay? Because I'm doing it consciously. Does that answer it?


    All right!!
    There's been so much counterfeiting over the last few years with all the New Age stuff and all that kind of crap that its kind of my point of view that most people have decided that the real thing doesn't exist any more. Well, there's a real famous saying in the Middle East that I really like and its called, ``Nobody would counterfeit gold if it didn't exist.''
    One of the things that would be nice is just to remind people that anyone who does have the real thing is actually interested in people's freedom, not their slavery. So its absolutely safe to work with them because they want nothing from you other than that one day you say, ``I'm free.''
    So I have nothing against people doing it on their own, that's not what I'm trying to say is that you can't or shouldn't or you need help or anything. It is a whole lot easier with somebody who has some technical information on the subject. And if you want that, you're more than welcome to come. Like I say, you're free to leave anytime you want, nobody asks you for nothing.
    We kind of have this thing now , you know that people must be doing it for some ulterior motive. That's only true when the game is to gain pleasure and avoid pain. And, yeah, there's an ulterior motive. The ulterior motive is to use other people so that I can feel important -- good, in other words -- somehow. So then you set up with weird groups and I can understand why people don't like that, I wouldn't like it either.
    On the other hand you run into somebody whose ulterior motive is to see you free... It can be a very interesting experience.

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Copyright © 1995, 1996 by inX.SendMailCompiled July 18, 1996.

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Science of Man's Conscious Self-Evolution